something to share

i have lot of things to share and i really dont know where to start. first, my thoughts about my relationship with God, im not being proud or boastful here but i want you to learn from my experiences. to start the story, i started believing God when i was 17 that was 3 years ago April 2009. i received Him and started following Him. when i was 15, I've got a lot of questions and everything's so vague. I do asked God "Why I experienced thing like this and that" "why is He allowing things to happen either good or bad" and many more.. such questions that were hard to answer. i red the bible before i go to bed and even prayed yet i don't understand what was it really mean. i also tried to commit a suicide and end up my life 3x, Yes i am. I'm longing for a love.. a love that i've never felt from the beginning. i was so desperate that time. i have no friends and no one to turn to. i used to be in my room and release all the pain, the hurts and i hurt myself because i feel like im nothing just a speck of dust existed that no one recognize. I'm an emo, i express all these through music because i thought this could help yet somethin' is missing i didn't know what it was but im pretty sure i needed something. From then on i started hating and blaming God and quit reading the bible and praying to God. My life was a thrash a mess. My life stopped revolving everything's went wrong. I don't have a good family, my parents separated when i was only 11 and later restored their relationship few months later for our best they said but i didn't feel the love anymore. I joined a fraternity just to feel that i belong, that i am a precious one. there i experienced how it was when the paddle gets into my legs a several hits from it makes me feel weak that really huts i got bruises for several days to and endured the pain just to be in them. Later, i realized, that wasn't a real family, they aren't a real friend too. I quit. i do also learned how to smoke and to get drunk at my young age, though i have had physical problems i just ignored it and continue drinking and smoking with my so called friends but they aren't my real friend too! they weren't there for me when i needed them they offered only happiness for a while but not for eternity. but atleast i didn't tried a heroine! hahaha! :D thereafter... i started praying to God. my classmate when i was a freshman invited me to her church but i was able to attend their church once then never again. i started seeking God.. Praying that someday I too will become a Christian too, serving Him. Until i heard again the gospel when my churchmates now a days went to our house and shared to us the good news of restoring what was broken, healing the pain and the most is the never ending Love that God was offering. That was life changing. From impure, i felt like im pure and being made whole again. From pain i am overjoyed and i feel the security from God. lastly, now i am being loved by God. Yes, i am fixed, pure and whole. I may have these dark pasts but now they are my precious testimony on how God changed my life. i thought there was no family at all but i found it all in the hands of God. now i don't smoke, i don't drink, i do not belong to any fraternity. I am now sharing the good news i received to others and passing it on to them. with my God, my life was restored and now i am an instrument of God sharing the restoration and love i've found in God. To God be the Glory forever and ever Amen! i am not ashamed with this because God has a purpose and a plan for everything. Everything happened for a reason and i thank Him for allowing these things to happen coz without this i may not be standing infront of everyone proclaiming His Word and how He'd changed my life. I now belong to the family of God privileged to be His daughter and called to His purposes. I still want to share you something amazing about God but the this is not enough. before leaving my page i challenge you to pray just for a sec and accept God. He can't promise us a good life while were here on earth but God's love and grace is enough for us to live in this corrupt world. Believe in God believe in your heart that God can save you and can give you another life...for eternity. :) pray and ask God too. :)