my prayer..

Heavenly Father hear the prayer of my broken heart.. I wailed and cried out to you looking for an answer.. Lord i am in great anguish and in distress.. knowing that you alone can heal my broken heart.. in my brokenness i will praise you still even in my confusions i will trust you still Lord help me know your ways for i am lost in this world and needed your guidance i am weak on my own there's nothing left for me but you i have no one but you all that i have is You all that i am is yours Father hear my cry, all that I have and all that I am I now give it all to you i know that im not worthy to be called yours but still give me the privilege to be yours you die on my behalf and i too will die for your sake my life i consider now my loss and You i consider now my gain in my imperfections, you're my perfecter in my weakness, you're my strength in my doubt, you're my wonderful counselor in my distress, you are my peace whenever i am alone, you comfort me whenever i needed you, you never leave me when i needed someone to talk to you're the one listening to me when i need a shoulder to cry on, you listen and let me cry when my heart pounds heavier, you carry them when i am in the middle of the war, you're the one fighting for me you're my refuge you give me everything i need an now here i am realizing how great is your love i just don't know how to express my feelings right now before you.. in my past i made mistakes but you lord makes me feel that you still love me you gave me your forgiveness i seek love to others but true love i found in you the love im longing is in you you never fail me and never forsaken me you discipline me consistently you're unchanging love makes me feel complete Lord my God you're the best and the very best that I have. im longing after you. i want to grow more deeper inlove with you. i want to know you more.

the struggle

i have a struggle right now that was raising a disciple and forming a cell group.. i know what to do.. share the gospel, follow up, train them, and even pray for them. i have now one contact who is faithful and committed but her lola is against Christianity. her lola had a religion strongholds, though i talked to her a lot of times and visit them whenever i was there and i felt that i'm not welcome there. a big mountain to climb up just to know God and grow maturely in faith. another thing was my classmates and friends, not to name them but i'm always with them, they were my follow-up's too but it is really hard for me to establish my authority since they were my classmates and everyday i am with them. the first girl, she really wanted to grow in the Lord but now she was influenced by those groups who doesnt know God, some of them were transgender and some of them were smoking and even drinking alcohol upto their limits. i cant rebuke her because at this moment we have no time to talked to she was too busy with that grouped and when i texted her she didnt replied. then the second girl was really attached to boys, she cant live without it, she told me that she love this man and the other day another man she loved, she was a Christian before, and when we talked.. she told me that she wanted to change but she cant rid of herself with the things that she enjoyed. she liked it, enjoyed it.. and when i gave her pieces of advise she doesnt even manage to listen or to do what i say. in short she's not willing to surrender. i think this one is the last. she had another church, she was committed to their church together with her family. she asked me one day that she wanted to have a bible study with me, we met and talked and listen to her problems. i knew right then that she was beautiful and surrounded with boys flirting her. when she started telling me the story of her family i listened that when her parents were fighting they will not attend the church. and last, because of her physical beauty and being close with guys, many envied her and she heard some gossips behind her back. i was confused whether to still have a bible study with her. i want her to grow in a personal relationship with God but she was committed to other church and i want her to grow deeper in her walk with God, she gave me permission to have authority in her life but right now im still confused. the last was i myself. in this case, regarding with these different people and their problems, i too have a problem on my own but there was a peace in my heart that Christ is the one who is at work, he prepared everything ahead of me. right now i just have to be still and know God personally and desire to grow more deeper, trusting God that he will lead me to the right path and give me wisdom in everything i does. right now i want to spend time talking with God regarding these matter. i know that it is God i needed the most this time. when the roads i take is unclear.. (John 14-15)

pouring out my heart

academics.. hirap akong i give up yan ehh, ilang beses nang dealing ng God sakin yan, ilang beses na din akong kinausap ng leader ko about it.. pero honestly, open naman akong magparebuke, makipagusap about it. willing din ako ilift up sa God lahat. pero bakit kapag sa applying session na nahihirapan akong magsurrender?? lagi akong nagfafail. natatakot ako, nagpapanic pag nasa midst na ako ng madaing ginagawa sa school. yung tambak ka ng mga papers na dapat ipasa tapos busy din mgainstructors mo kaya naghahagulapka talaga ng teachers. alam ko naman yung dapat gawin Matt 6:33 nga diba? pero ang hirap iapply pag nasa sitwasyon ka na. ang totoo nyan, naguguluhan ako. kakausapin ko na naman ulit leader ko tapos after ilang months pag pasukan na ulit pag finals na, midterm o prelim hindi ko n nmn maapply. priority ko din ang acads pero dapat pag may bible study at mga church commitments dapat nandun ako dahil commitment ko sa Lord yun kaso ang hirap talaga. bakit pag acads na ang usapan kailangang umiyak muna ako paulit ulit bago ako maglearn? bakit pag acads hirap na hirap ako sa obedience? bakit kpag acads nakakalimutan ko ang live by faith? ilang beses ko naman na experience kung paano magwork ang God pero wew. speechless. i just want to deal it with God. wew mukhang madami kaming dapat pagusapan ni God, madami..